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If you’re wondering why this review has that particular headline, it’s because of one of the many Italian labels decorating the interior of this ristoranti-pizzerie (as La Tagliatella calls itself). My husband and I had just finished eating our pizza, and were waiting for the next course to arrive… and were waiting. And waiting. The interior of La Tagliatella, fortunately, is so fussy and bizarre and overdecorated—with everything from world clocks to fake books, green lampshades, chandeliers, paintings and photographs scattered all across, that we didn’t get bored. My husband, looking over my shoulder towards the panel behind me, read out the caption on it: "La torre de Pisa". I’d no clue what
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If you’re wondering why this review has that particular headline, it’s because of one of the many Italian labels decorating the interior of this ristoranti-pizzerie (as La Tagliatella calls itself). My husband and I had just finished eating our pizza, and were waiting for the next course to arrive… and were waiting. And waiting. The interior of La Tagliatella, fortunately, is so fussy and bizarre and overdecorated—with everything from world clocks to fake books, green lampshades, chandeliers, paintings and photographs scattered all across, that we didn’t get bored. My husband, looking over my shoulder towards the panel behind me, read out the caption on it: "La torre de Pisa". I’d no clue what he meant, and agreed wholeheartedly: "Yes, wasn’t it? A really horrid pizza."
La Tagliatella has been around for a few months now, but somehow the look of it—that very busy and loud décor, combined with the ominously empty tables—had deterred us. Then, some days back, we came across some foodies praising the pizzas here (the pastas were dissed by most), and someone said they did a "brilliant seafood salad". Happening to be in the vicinity one Sunday afternoon, we decided to lunch here.
We hadn’t realised La Tagliatella extended over two floors (ambitious!), so we entered at their more visible, ground floor entrance, and were led upstairs by a waiter, into that suffocatingly ornate atmosphere. The food menus, already at the table, proved as pretentious as the décor: every dish meticulously labelled in Italian, and with an English description provided below (in some cases, the latter was missing, and since the waiters aren’t exactly proficient in Italian, that wasn’t a help).
The menu here is brief. There are some antipasti, a handful of salads, a few risottos, and lots of pasta and pizza options. Other main course options are very limited: chicken breast, duck breast, tournedos, grilled vegetables, and grilled mozzarella slices. Since we’d already heard through the grapevine that the pasta was avoidable, we opted for a pizza instead—a pizza caprina, described as containing goat’s cheese, tomato, mozzarella, duck ham, and basil. The waiter, on being asked, said that it would be a 14" inch thin crust pizza, which we figured would be sufficient for us to share. To drink, we ordered fresh lemonades (though alcohol is served).
While we waited for our pizza, we nibbled on the green olives placed on the table. No, no bread basket with this; if you want one, you order it. But the waiter did bring, after a while, a large jug-sized glass decanter containing olive oil in which a mix of herbs, red chillies, garlic, etc had been steeped.
Our hearts sank at the sight of the pizza. It was thin crust all right, and the crust all bubbled-up and crisp along the edges. But the topping was a mass of cheese, cheese, and more cheese. The duck ham consisted of about ten tiny strips—each an inch long, less than half an inch wide—scattered across that 14" pizza. The tomato (besides the tomato sauce under all that cheese) consisted of half a large tomato, whacked right in the middle of the pizza, cut side down. Huh?! And yes, the basil consisted of all of one leaf. One single leaf of basil in a pizza that listed it in its ingredients. Why didn’t they list salt and oil and flour?
The pizza tasted as it looked—cheese was the dominant flavour. And, surprisingly, rather large bits of what tasted like caramel. The waiter, when summoned, said that that was ‘caramelised tomato’, but we didn’t really buy that. Caramelised veggies, in whatever form, taste very different from caramelised sugar.
The pizza, since it was actually not that substantial, didn’t really fill us up—so, in a departure from the norm, we decided to order a salad to share. This, the insalata di paté e prosciutto d’anatra, was described as "mixed salad leaves, foie, duck ham, goat cheese, preserved tomato, sweet corn and roasted pine nuts on a pierina bed."
When it came, there were lots of mixed leaves—half the plate consisted of these, in a huge mound of lettuces, radicchio, rocket, etc, all of them good and fresh. The pierina was a thin rectangular slice of pizza-like flat bread, brushed with basil pesto, and crowded with lots of canned artichokes (huh?! The menu made no mention of artichokes); duck ham, and sliced foie gras. The flavours of the pesto, artichokes, and salty ham completely swamped the foie gras, and the pierina had gone limp and soggy. Also, the balsamic vinegar and extra virgin olive oil dressing we’d asked for (you can choose your dressing for your salad) was too liberal. And the extra dressing—a small jar each of balsamic vinegar and olive oil—consisted of oil that was plainly not extra virgin.
The salad was a slightly better experience than the pizza, but it wasn’t by any means enough reason to crow about La Tagliatella. We decided to give them one last chance. (And hey, both of us do have a sweet tooth!) From the dessert menu, my husband chose a three-chocolate bombe (it had a fancy Italian name), while I picked a torta alle mele (a tarte tatin served with ‘ice cream of your choice’). Yes, a tarte tatin is hardly what I’d opt for in an Italian restaurant, but I love fruit desserts, so this was it. When I asked the waiter what ice creams I could choose from, he showed me the list—all in Italian—at the end of the menu. I could understand most of them, but wasn’t interested in a chocolate, vanilla, or strawberry ice cream with my apple tart, so asked what the fior di latte was. "Mascarpone, madam." So that was it. I chose the fior di latte.
Dessert, when it came, received mixed reviews from us. My husband’s bombe—three layers of chocolate ice cream (white, milk, and dark)—was good, but the two pools of chocolate sauce (one white, the other dark) in which it sat were simply too sweet after a while.
For me, dessert was a pain to get through. The pastry layer at the bottom was minuscule—it couldn’t even have been half a centimetre thick. Piled on top of that was about an inch of roughly chopped cooked apple: it was all apple (and not caramelised, either, the way a tarte tatin should be) and there was too much of it, too little pastry. Completely haywire proportions. And the waiter, in telling me that fior di latte was a mascarpone ice cream, hadn’t mentioned that it also included cherries (or berries? I couldn’t really tell; basically, there were ripples of oversweet, fruity red stuff all through the ice cream). This was absolutely not an ice cream to be eaten with the apple tart, but since the apple tart itself was so dismal, I stopped minding after a while.
We paid Rs 2,667 for our meal, inclusive of taxes and service charges. Expensive, and just simply not worth it.
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